Chapter 99 {Part 2}: My Heart I Surrender

Mere

“So I heard Antonio left,” she looked at me. Of course Nae would tell her that. I was hoping that she would leave that out.

“Not exactly; he went back to his condo. I needed space and I explained everything. He knows that there’s a huge chance that we won’t work out but he said we’ll always be friends,” I shrugged. Antonio was an amazing guy but I started to feel like something was missing between us.

“Why did he leave?” She questioned.

“I thought we weren’t friends?”

“Yeah that was a stupid thing to say but I think you’ve realized that I say some dumb shit that sounds smart at the time,” she pointed out.

“You definitely do,” I nodded.                        

“You weren’t supposed to agree.” She playfully pushed me with a laugh.

“It’s true,” I chuckled. Our laughs died out and she looked at me. I recognized that look and quickly shot to my feet. She’s been looking at me like that for the past year. “I think we should go in,” I suggested.

“You’re always running nowadays. I thought that was my thing?” She stood in front of me blocking the door.

“I just know what can and can’t happen,” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“How about what you want to happen?”

“I want to go inside.”

“Not a good enough answer,” she shook her head.

“Blakelynn,” I gave her a look. She walked closer to me causing me to walk backwards until my back hit the wall. She caged me in and let out a slow smirk.

“I guess the roles have changed huh? Push me away Mere. I dare you.” She used me against me. I felt like slapping myself for doing that to her nine years ago.

“Blake,” I warned her but she just moved closer.

“You’re not pushing me away,” she whispered.

“Don’t do this to me,” I pleaded. She knew that I couldn’t say no to her. I hated that she used it against me on many occasions.

“Say the word and I’ll move,” she taunted me. I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth no matter how much I wanted to. “Still can’t tell me no?” She stared into my eyes and bit her lip nervously. I lifted my hand and pulled her lip from in between her teeth.

“Don’t bite your lip,” I said softly. She knew exactly what that did to me.

“I know I’ve been fucking with your mind for the last year and it seems like I only play mind games but I love you. You mean so much to me and I can’t let you go. We keep ending back in the same situation and there’s a reason for that Mere. You still love me right?” She asked in a small voice. It seemed like all the confidence she had moments ago was gone. She looked nervous for my response. I didn’t trust my voice to speak so I just kept my eyes trained on her. “Mere,” she said whispered.

“You already know the answer to that Blakelynn.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Then tell me what I have to do. I’ll do anything to get you back,” she pleaded. I opened my eyes and stared into her watering ones.

“I can’t do this again.” I shook my head as tears started to fall down my face. I hate crying and I don’t cry often but she makes me like this. “It’s always back and forth with you. You never know what you want and I can’t go through the heartbreak again. I just can’t.” I tried to move but she kept me caged in.

“There isn’t a back and forth Mere,” she tried to convince me.

“I’m not dumb Blakelynn. Everyone knows that you just hop in between Nae and me. It’s a stupid love triangle and I’m done with it.” I tried to leave again but she wouldn’t let me go.

“There isn’t a fucking love triangle. I’m so sick of everyone saying that,” she huffed.

“Then what is it Blake?” I raised a brow.

“It’s you and it’s always been you. You’ve been so damn oblivious these past few months and I thought that was supposed to be me. You’ve always been there for me and remember back when we were just starting to be friends? Remember what I told you about love?” She tried to get me to remember.

“You fall for people you can count on,” I said lowly as I remembered.

“You’re someone I can count on and you’re someone I can always count on. I love you Mere,” she told me. I was about to say something but she stopped me with her next words. “I love you more Chimere. I love you more than I’ll ever love Nae. I’ve been trying to tell you that for months but you never wanted to talk about that night so I just gave up,” she sighed. I stood shock by her words and I couldn’t believe that Nae was right.

“Wait what?” I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

“That’s why I was with Sage. Not because she was the opposite of Nae. It’s because she was the opposite of you. I knew that you would’ve felt like you were my backup plan and that’s why I tried to find someone else. It didn’t really work well. That night I was emotional and yes I used you because I was lonely. That’s how it started but that wasn’t how it ended. I didn’t use you just to use you. I could’ve picked a random girl and used her but I chose you because I wanted to feel wanted.”

“Well you sure got what you wanted,” I mumbled to myself.

“No I didn’t get what I wanted. I wanted you. I wanted you but I knew that I couldn’t have you. I don’t know what you thought what was going through my mind that night but you probably have the wrong idea. I wanted you that night and I wasn’t pretending that you were someone else. I got that tattoo for a reason. I already knew what would come with that tattoo because everyone was gonna assume things but I didn’t care.

I was living in the moment with you and I never felt so free. I’ve stared at that tattoo for months trying to realize where I fucked up with you. There’s a long list of things I need to apologize to you for but I think you already know that. I love you Mere and I get it if you don’t want to get back together. I just wanted you to know that.” She finally backup off me. I stood up straight as she turned to leave but I grabbed her arm.

“Don’t leave,” I shook my head. She looked at me a little shocked that I didn’t let her leave. “Why would you do all that you did this past year if you were still in love with me?”

“You were getting married. I felt like since he was your first love that I had no room to compete with him. I was hurt and wanted to just focus my attention on someone else,” she looked down.

“That look in your eyes was because you were still in love with me right?” I looked at her and she nodded. “Blakelynn,” I groaned. I already had a headache from all of the thoughts that were running through my head.

“There’s so much wrong with me but I know that I love you more than anyone in my life. Even if we just stay friends that won’t change. You’re always gonna mean the world to me,” she promised. I mentally cursed at her when I felt tears sliding down my cheeks.

“I don’t fucking cry,” I mumbled.

“I’ve seen you cry multiple times,” she pointed out.

“You’re someone who gets me wrapped up in my emotions just like I am right now.” I wiped my tears but they were just replaced by new ones so I gave up. She walked up to me and wiped them for me. Our eyes locked and we just stared at each other for a minute.

“It always seems like I fuck up with you. I’m just not used to having someone like you in my life even though it’s been nine years. I’ve never met someone who was more caring than you are. I never met someone who made me feel the way you make me feel. Part of me wishes that we never made that understanding three years ago. Things probably could’ve ended up a lot better,” she sighed.

“It was stupid. I don’t know why you agreed to it but I did because I was scared. We spent six years together and things were getting serious. Yes, you fuck up a lot Blake but so do I. There’s a reason why I’ve only dated two people in my life. I’ve always been scared that I wasn’t good enough so I settled for hook ups instead,” I admitted.

“I’m the one not good enough Mere. You deserve so much more than what you have. You deserve someone better than me and if you want Antonio then I can only support you. No matter how bad I want you, I still just want you happy,” she confessed.

“You are filled with so much drama and you confuse the hell out of me. I’ve never met someone who could confuse me like you do,” I started out. She looked down and waited for me to continue. I moved and grabbed her hand. She looked up at me confused. “But I’ve never met someone who had me so wrapped around their finger. I can never tell you no Blakelynn and we both know that. I love you and I know that I probably should let you go and start over. I should focus more on myself and all of that shit but fuck it. I still want you.” I looked at her as she wiped her tears with her free hand. “Come here.” I pulled her closer and wrapped my arms around her.

“I love you so much,” she mumbled.

“I love you too baby,” I whispered. I held her for a minute and rubbed her back.

“I’m so sorry for everything,” she cried.

“It doesn’t matter now.” I pulled back and kissed her. She kissed me back as I erased all of the bad memories over this past year and focused on what was happening right now. I pulled back, my hand found its way down to hers, and I pulled her towards the door. “Stay the night.”

Nicki

I walked in and saw Aubrey talking to Jaymie on the couch. I didn’t like this view at all. “Wassup lil man,” Aubrey smiled at Carson in his lap. Carson giggled and grabbed his face.

“I swear he loves you more than me,” Jaymie joked. I cleared my throat and that cause all three heads to turn to me.

“You’re home,” Aubrey said with a slight smile.

“Yeah I’m home,” I spoke slowly.

“Yeah this is hella awkward so I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you later Aubrey.” Jaymie stood and grabbed her purse.

“I’ll walk you out,” he offered while picking up Carson. I watched them walk to the door and got annoyed. I get that they’re friends but can’t he do that somewhere else?

“Hey Mom,” I heard Mylan say as she walked through the door. “Isn’t Carson so cute?” She smiled.

“Yeah just adorable,” I forced out. He looked just like Daven which isn’t a bad thing. I just didn’t want to be reminded of him right now but it was kind of hard with Jaymie being around. Aubrey walked back in with a huge smile on his face. I sighed and went to my room. I heard him come up a few minutes later.

“You didn’t have to make Jaymie leave.” He shot me a disapproving look.

“I didn’t make her do anything. She said it felt awkward so she left. Don’t make me out to look like I’m the bad guy,” I rolled my eyes.

“You’re acting so damn jealous and you have no right to act that way,” he snapped. I looked at him a little shocked by his outburst.

“What’s wrong with you?” I crossed my arms.

“After all of the shit you did with Daven, you have no right to be jealous of Jaymie. She’s my friend and it’s not like I’m out here fucking her.” I couldn’t believe it. He said he forgave me for this shit but it looks like he hasn’t.

“Why don’t you say what you really want to say. You haven’t forgiven me for this have you?”

“Fuck no I haven’t forgiven you! I’ve tried and I’ve tried but that shit cut me deep. In what way did you think it was okay to step out in our marriage!?” He raised his voice.

“It’s not like I slept with him!”

“You act like that makes it any better! You cheated point blank! You would’ve never forgiven me if I did anything with another girl! You had me out here looking like a damn fool. You made me feel like I was the one fucking up this family when it was really you all along,” he finally admitted.

“Why the fuck would you say that you forgave me when you really haven’t!?” I felt tears rushing down my face and for once, he didn’t look concerned.

“I was trying to fight for this family. I was trying to do what was right. I was doing this for the kids, not for us. Look at us Onika,” he motioned between us. “Is this the kind of marriage you really want? Did you really expect me to erase this past year after you did all that shit with him?” I stayed quiet because I thought he would. He let out a dark chuckle as he stared at me. “You must really think that I’m a fool.” He shook his head and left out the door. A few minutes later, I heard the door slam.

Cassie

I woke up and felt Shad pull me closer. “You’re holding me like I’m gonna try to leave or something,” I mumbled as I turned in his arms.

“I just don’t want you to vanish and have this be a dream,” he admitted.

“I love your morning voice. It’s so sexy.” I ran my hand down his cheek.

“You’re just sexy in general,” he winked and I let out a small laugh.

“You know the kids are gonna say something when they see me walking out of your room,” I told Shad as he pulled me to straddle him.

“So?”

“So what are we gonna tell them?” I looked down at him and he chuckled.

“We’ll tell them that we’re back together,” he smiled.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you so much Casandra. I’m never letting you go again,” he promised me.

“Let’s go shower.” I hopped up and pulled him with me. I finished up before him and pulled on one of his shirts afterwards. Since Shad was still in the shower, I decided to cook breakfast. I was almost done when I heard tiny footsteps walking towards the kitchen. I looked and saw Brayden rubbing his eyes.

“Daddy?” He called out before turning the corner. “You’re not Daddy.” I knew he still wasn’t seeing clearly. He finally opened his eyes all the way and his mouth dropped. “Mommy!” He ran and jumped into my arms.

“Hey baby,” I kissed him.

“Why are you here?” He questioned.

“Um,” I tried to figure out what to say. I was here because I got some bomb ass sex last night but obviously I’m not gonna say that. “I’ll tell you after you go brush your teeth and get your sister up.” I put him down. He rushed off and I chuckled at his eagerness. I felt two arms circle my waist and I held in my blush.

“I love seeing you in my clothes,” he mumbled against my neck. I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“I love wearing them,” I pulled him into a kiss. It’s nice to be around him like this again. I heard a throat clear and we pulled away. I turned and saw Alexis standing there with her hands on her hips and Brayden right next to her.

“Now that is just nasty,” she scrunched up her face. I knew she copied that face from Mylan. I swear Alexis is a mini version of her.

“Why are you here?” Brayden questioned once again.

“Your mother and I are back together,” Shad spoke up.

“Really!?” Alexis perked up and big smiles appeared on our children’s faces.

“Yeah we are,” I nodded. Just seeing how happy they were made me feel even better about this. I’m trusting Shad with my heart one last time and he better not let me down.

Mere

The next morning I wanted stay in bed all day after the night I had, but I heard my phone go off. I looked and saw that Aubrey texted me.

Aubrey: Are you up?

Mere: I am now. What do you need?                                        

Aubrey: I just need to talk. Shit just went down between Nicki and me and I just don’t think I can do it anymore.

Mere: Do what anymore?

Aubrey: Our marriage.

Mere: Where are you?

Aubrey: Just sitting in my car.

Mere: I’ll be over in twenty minutes.

             I looked over and saw Blake sleeping peacefully. The thing that Antonio and I lacked is the same thing that Blake and I have. It was nice being with her again. I tried maneuver my way out of her arms but she woke up in the process. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I need to talk to Aubrey. He needs my help but I’ll be back soon,” I told her.

“Are you gonna stop at the store?” She questioned.

“Maybe why?”

“You should probably buy some concealer.” She sat up and eyed my neck a little more. “Lots of it,” she giggled.

“To believe that you were once a little prude,” I chuckled.

“You’re the one who turned me out.” She bit her lip and eyed me.

“Don’t start this,” I groaned.

“I’ll let you go but you’re mine when you get back,” she smirked.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you,” I pecked her lips.

“I love you too.” She kissed me one last time before letting me get dressed.

 

Jaymie

“Who are these for?” I looked at the roses on the table. Nyra shrugged and handed me the card. I opened it and scrunched up my brows. “Just because?”

“Some guy dropped it off. I don’t know who’s it’s from but no one would send me roses and my mom and dad aren’t on good terms right now so it’s probably for you,” she said.

“What did James do now?” I sighed.

“Mom brought up the idea of marriage and you know where that went. The result ended with Dad sleeping over at Auntie Ace’s house,” she went through the usual story.

“He needs to man up,” I shook my head.

“Mm,” Carson made a weird noise from my arms. I looked at him and noticed his attention was at the door. I looked and saw Daven standing there with a single rose.

“What are you doing here?” I questioned.

“I know roses are your favorite and I just wanted to give them to you,” he walked closer to me.

“Just because?” I raised a brow.

“Yeah,” he nodded. I sighed and placed Carson in Nyra’s arms.

“Can you give us a minute?” I asked her.

“Sure,” she smiled and took him to the back.

“Daven what do you want from me? Sending me roses just because? I thought I already established our relationship is strictly through Carson,” I crossed my arms.

“I know but I miss you.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“So? Am I supposed to be jumping in your arms because you can miss me with that one? You really showed how much you’ve missed me this past year,” I cut my eyes at him.

“I know I fucked up by getting with her but I never had sex with her Jaymie,” he assured me.

“You really expect me to believe that? I know you wouldn’t miss the opportunity to sleep with her,” I rolled my eyes. What’s the point in lying to me?

“She couldn’t have sex with anyone but her husband. Even though I wanted to, something was always holding me back. I couldn’t do it without feeling guilty,” he admitted.

“Cut the bullshit and be real with me. If she wanted to have sex with you, would you have let her?” I raised a brow.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“Thank you for being honest. You can take the roses on your way out.” I moved and tried to get past him but he blocked my way.

“Wait alright. Yeah I probably would have and I know how fucked up that is but I’m done lying to you. I’m sorry for ever accusing you of cheating but I didn’t expect you to leave.”

“What did you expect me to do? Did you expect me to stay and let you call me every name under the sun? You fucked up Daven and I’m sick of repeating myself. This,” I motioned between us. “Will never happen again. You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made but Carson came out of that so it was worth it. Focus on being a dad because that’s all I need you to be.” I moved and walked to the back. I was beyond done with him.

Drake

I felt the car door open and then shut. I looked over and saw Mere sitting there. “I thought you said that you forgave her?” She looked over at me.

“I tried and I tried to force myself into forgiving her. I wanted it for our family but I can’t do it anymore. It’s not fair to her, me, or our family,” I shook my head.

“So what are you saying?”

“I don’t know honestly. I just need to do something to distract myself,” I shrugged. There was a knock on the window and I saw Mylan standing there. I rolled down the window and looked at her.

“Hi Auntie Mere,” she waved.

“Hey Mylan.”

“What do you need baby girl?”

“I need to get some things for a school project and Levi needs more juice,” she said.

“Hop in.” She hopped in and then I heard her helping Levi into the car. “Just couldn’t resist could you?” I looked back at him. He giggled as Mylan helped him into his car seat.

“Hi Auntie Mere!” He exclaimed.

“Hi my little trouble maker.” Mere turned around and kissed him. I drove to Target and turned the car off.

“You can go get what you need. Here’s fifty,” I told Mylan as I handed her the cash.

“Alright. Come on Levi.” She got him out and they went into Target.

“So what’s going on with you? You have this glow,” I said as I eyed her. She blushed and I scrunched up my brows.

“So Antonio and I decided to just be friends,” she started off.

“Did he do something?” I quickly questioned.

“You’ll never let me finish something about him without interrupting will you?” She raised a brow.

“I’m listening,” I shut my mouth.

“We just lacked something and I found that in someone else,” she shrugged.

“Who?”

“Do you really need to ask?” She looked at me like I was slow.

“You got back together with Blake?”

“I couldn’t resist her. I don’t know how she has this pull on me but she does. I love her enough to give us one more try,” she smiled small.

“I hope y’all work out. I prefer her over him any day,” I laughed as she playfully hit me.

“Shut up,” she chuckled. “I hope things work out with you whether you decide to be with Nicki or not. I just want you happy Aubrey,” she grabbed my hand.

“I just want you happy too Mere. Thanks for always being here for me,” I thanked her.

“Oh don’t tell me you’re about to get emotional,” Mere grinned at me.

“Nah not that. I just love that I can text you and know that you’ll answer,” I shrugged.

“I’ll always be here for you Aubrey even when you’re old a gray. I’ll still look good of course.” She flipped her hair.

“Don’t go getting a big head.” I let out a smile.

“Oh shut up. I wanna thank you too. You’ve always stood up for me no matter who you were arguing against and for that I thank you. It took me a while to find my voice and for a long time you were my voice until I finally spoke up for myself. You helped me out a lot when I was younger.”

“And now you help me.” I thought it was funny how the roles flipped.

“Give me a hug and let’s stop this mushy stuff.” She opened her arms and I wrapped her into a hug. “I love you Aubrey.”

“I love you too Chimere,” I kissed her head and pulled away.

“So are you prepared for tomorrow?” She questioned.

“I can’t believe it’s been that long since my mom left,” I sighed. It was the anniversary of her death tomorrow.

“I can’t either but she made an amazing impact on us.” Mere rubbed my hand.

“I see a little bit more of my mom in you every day,” I said.

“Really?” She smiled.

“Yeah and it’s comforting.” I returned the smile.

“Mama Sandi was an amazing woman.” She looked down a bit.

“And we’re making her proud.”

“Yes we are.” It was nice to have moments like this with her. She makes my mom’s death not hit so hard. It used to be impossible to talk about my mom but with Mere it’s easier. “So are you going back home after this?”

“I don’t know. I love Nicki believe me I do but I just can’t get the images out of my head. I feel betrayed and I’m trying to make this work but maybe this happened for a reason. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you need to be with them.” Nicki and I are always gonna have some type of relationship through the kids but as for us, I don’t know.

“Here come the kids now,” she pointed. Mylan hopped in with Levi and buckled him up.

“I got a lollipop!” Levi showed us.

“He begged,” Mylan cut in. We chuckled as I pulled off.

“So I guess I’ll head back and drop them off,” I told Mere.

“We could do something after that. Maybe it’ll help get your mind off some things,” she lowered her voice even though Mylan had her headphones in and Levi was falling asleep.

“Alright,” I nodded. I drove for a bit and thought about how my life would turn out if I get a divorce. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad after all. I saw Mere sit up more and she squinted. “What’s wrong?” I glanced at her before focusing back on the road.

“I think,” she started but her eyes went wide. “Aubrey watch out!” She called out but I felt my car crash into something. I heard someone calling my name but then everything went black.

No One’s P.O.V.

“I need back up. There’s been a fatal car crash on Metropolitan Avenue. Two are dead,” the officer spoke.

Don’t y'all just love cliffhangers?