Chapter 19: Sick of Feeling Sorry

Nicki’s P.O.V.

“Can you help me get her into one of the guest rooms?” Aubrey asked as he carried a drunken Coach Chimere.

“Why is she even here? Doesn’t she have a house or something?” I rolled my eyes as he tried to help her stand.

“Brey?” She whispered and then opened her eyes. She locked eyes with me and then smirked a little.

“I can’t deal with this,” I sighed and went to walk away. Aubrey grabbed me by my waist and turned me around.

“What’s the problem now?” He looked tired.

“What’s up with you two? I don’t buy this sister brother bullshit,” I shook my head.

“Nicki, Chimere is not interested in me and I’m not interested in her nor have we ever been interested in each other,” he pleaded.

“How can I even believe that?” I was two seconds away from tears. He looked at her and she gave him a slight nod.

“Chimere is a lesbian,” he finally stated.

“What?” I was completely taken aback.

“I’m not interested in your man Onika. Your cousin may be a different story,” she laughed a little.

“Wait so you’re not interested in Drake but you’re interested in Blake?” I scrunched up my eyebrows.

“Possibly,” she said before turning to Drake. “Help me to bed please,” she pouted at him. He laughed and picked her back up.

“Will you help me now?” He asked me smartly.

“Yeah,” I followed him up the stairs.

Blake’s P.O.V.

A knock at the door disturbed me from my sleep. I got up and went to answer it.

“Nae? What are you doing here?” I questioned while trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I just went to lay down for a quick nap which turned into a four hour nap. I had to have looked a mess.

“I need to talk to someone and it feels as if everyone isn’t on my side at the moment,” she mumbled.

“Come in,” I moved aside to let her in. We went to the living room and sat on the coach.

“What’s wrong with me?” She looked down at her hands.

“There’s nothing wrong with you Nae,” I told her.

“Yes there is because everyone always ends up ditching me. You did it back in Cali, Nicki is doing it now, and you’re doing it again now,” she cried.

“Are you drunk?” I could smell the liquor on her breath.

“Does it matter? I know how I feel,” she shook her head.

“How do you feel?” I asked quietly. She turned and locked eyes with me.

“I feel like I’m losing you all over again. Everyone in my life could walk away and I’ll be fine eventually but with you, I’m broken. You’re my best friend Blake and I can’t have you turning against me too,” she pleaded. I grabbed her hand and stared at her.

“I will never turn against you. You don’t even realize how much you mean to me. To even imagine losing you is devastating,” I said honestly. She smiled slightly and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You have no idea how much I love you,” she whispered.

“Nae, you’re drunk. I’m not doing this again,” I broke eye contact from her.

“I’m not drunk. Yes, I’m tipsy but I’m thinking clearly. I want this Blake, I want you,” she pulled my face towards her and kissed me.

Nae’s P.O.V.

“Blake, wake up!” I lightly pushed her shoulder. She woke up and looked around confused.

“What are you doing here?” She asked me.

“I need you to take me somewhere,” I smirked slightly because I heard what she was saying in her sleep.

“Where?” She yawned as she stretched.

“To my Dad’s house,” I mumbled. She instantly popped up.

“Why?” She questioned.

“I need to get something from my brother,” I replied. She shrugged and got up to get dressed.

“Can you give me a minute?” She looked over at me as she went to put on a bra. I smirked and made myself comfortable on her bed.

“Ain’t nothing I’ve never seen before,” I reminded her of the time we went skinny dipping. Her face went red as she turned away from me to put it on.

“Can you stop?” She snapped as she put her shirt on.

“What staring or flirting?” I waited for her to answer but she just froze. “I’m just joking Blake. You know I love teasing you,” I laughed as I slapped her ass on the way out. “I’ll be in the car,” I walked out.

~

“You can wait here. This will only take a few minutes,” I mumbled and walked out the car. I knocked on the door and waited. My dad opened the door surprised.

“Jaznae, what are you doing here?” He crossed his arms.

“I need to talk to Bryon,” I pushed past him and walked down the hallway.

“Nae’s here!” My six year old half sister, Kelsey, jumped up from her seat to hug me. She didn’t get too far until her mother grabbed her.

“Stay away from her Kelsey,” my stepmother, April, snapped.

“Nice to see you too bitch,” I snapped back as I walked into Bryon’s room. My dad dumped my mom for this skinny looking bitch and then she became depressed and into drugs. She’s in rehab but due to my brother being 16, he has to live with my father. I’m eighteen and live with my sister. We’re the original three before my father fucked around.

“Nae!” He smiled while getting up to hug me.

“Hey BryBry,” I ruffled his hair as he pushed me away.

“You play too much. Why are you here?” He asked me.

“I need a certain type of drug,” I said softly.

“I ain’t giving you that shit Nae. You could kill yourself,” he shrugged me off.

“It’s not for me,” I said quickly.

“Which type of drug?” He looked at me.

“The kind for an injury,” I smirked.

Cassie’s P.O.V.

“You’re so beautiful in the morning,” Shad brushed hair out of my face.

“So you’re saying I’m ugly in the evening,” I laughed.

“You know what I mean Cass,” he lightly pushed me.

“Sure I do,” I joked as I got up and threw on a shirt. Shad and I have not had sex. I’m mentally a virgin but was raped years ago.

“So you and Nicki have been talking lately,” he stated but as soon as he mentioned Nicki’s name, I groaned. “What now Cass?” He sighed.

“Can you just drop the Nicki thing,” I sat on the edge of the bed.

“Why can’t you guys just be friends again? This has been going on for far too long,” he scooted by me.

“Because I just can’t. She’s not the same and I’m not,” I got up and went into the bathroom to get ready for practice. I wish he would just drop this.

~

“So you guys can start stretching. Nicki and Cassie will lead you guys today because Chimere is sick,” Coach Graham explained while Nicki laughed silently. I shrugged it off for now.

“You guys are okay with that right?” Shad asked while looking in between us.

“I’m cool with it,” Nicki smiled.

“Sure,” I mumbled as we stood in front of the girls.

“So can we start by grabbing a partner and stretch,” Nicki instructed. I rolled my eyes as she took control.

“You know I’m in charge also,” I snapped. Drake and Shad went into their office while we practice for the upcoming cuts.

“What’s your problem?” She scrunched up her face.

“You’re my problem. You’ve always been my problem!” I couldn’t handle having he around me right now. I started to walk away but she just followed me.

“No don’t walk away. Tell me your fucking problem!?” She turned me around.

“Don’t you dare touch me!” I pushed her back. I tried to walk away again but her next words stopped me.

“Go ahead and walk away like the coward you are. You walk away when things get tough. Walk away just like you walked away from this friendship!” She shouted. I turned and glared at her.

“I never walked away from this friendship! You sat there and watched! You are so sickening that I can even stomach the thought of you!” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Cass!! Chill!” CeeJay came running with Nae and Blake.

“Naw, this little wanna be Barbie wants to step at me saying I walked away but she’s just a bitch who sit there while her friends are suffering. Let’s face it Nika, you only care about yourself!” I stood in front of her.

“You know what? I don’t get you! You’re so bipolar! One day you act like we’re cool and then the next you’re a bitch. Yeah I said it, you’re a bitch and I’m quite sick of it. You walked away from our friendship and started hating me. You made me feel like I did something wrong but you were just a bitch who fucked my boyfriend behind my back,” she shoved me away from her. I stared at her in disbelief.

“I guess I’m just a bitch who got raped also right?” I asked as I looked around at the crowd we made. Everyone gasped as I walked out of practice. I was officially done.

Nicki’s P.O.V.

I stared at her as she walked away. Tears were already flowing down my face.

“Nika,” Blake pulled me into a hug as I cried. This can’t be true but the pieces were lining up. I was tied up to a chair, forced to watch them have sex. As I try to remember, it seems like it was more like rape. I cannot believe this.

“Nicki,” I heard Aubrey say. I turned and looked at him. “Can I see you in my office? Everyone else go back to practice. Blake is in charge,” he stated. Everyone obeyed his orders as I followed him into his office. As soon as he closed the doors, I was in his arms. “Shh,” he kissed my head as I cried.

“I should have been there for her,” I cried to him.

“You didn’t know,” he rubbed my back. I pulled away from him.

“I need to find her,” I tried to get out of his arms.

“Nicki, she needs to calm down,” he grabbed my arms.

“No Aubrey, she needs someone. I know Cassie and if no one goes after her,” I gulped unable to finish my sentence. He let go and pecked my lips. I kissed him back briefly before pulling away.

“Go find her,” he whispered before I ran out of the door.

~

            I tried to think of wherever she could have went but came up short. Then I remembered a beach we use to go to as kids. When I arrived, I saw her sitting in the sand crying. I sat next to her and just stared ahead. We sat in silence for a while until she started to cry harder. I pulled her into a hug as she cried.  

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“No Cass, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cried. That’s all we did was cry for hours. “I didn’t know. I swear Cassie, I didn’t know,” I told her.

“I know. No one knew,” she wiped her eyes.

“Can we please move past this and just be friends again,” I looked over at her. She avoided eye contact and looked over at the waves.

“There’s something you need to know,” she said softly.

“What?” I raised an eyebrow.

“I was pregnant,” she said. In that moment, I froze.

Drake’s P.O.V.

“So you and Nicki huh?” Shad asked randomly. We were sitting in my office after practice had ended.

“What?” I snapped my head towards him in shock.

“You had lipstick on your lips bruh,” he chuckled. I quickly tried wiping whatever he was talking about off. He started laughing so I stopped.

“There wasn’t any huh?” I smirked at him. He nodded as he took a seat.

“How’d you know?” I questioned.

“Y’all are always around each other and I see the way you look at her. That’s the same way you looked at Nebby,” he shrugged.

“Please don’t say her name,” I closed my eyes.

“My bad but you love her don’t you?” He looked at me.

“More than anything,” I mumbled while thinking of Nicki.

“Then I ain’t stopping you. Does Mere know?” He laughed slightly at the thought.

“She found out yesterday and let’s just say Nicki wasn’t happy that Mere came home with me,” I rubbed my face.

“She knows Mere ain’t into our type right?” He joked.

“Now she does,” I shrugged. “Well if you’re happy then I’m happy,” he dapped me up.

“So what’s up with you and Cassie?” I finally asked.

“It’s that obvious?” He looked at me in shock.

“Yeah it is,” I shook my head.

“I love her but I feel  like she holds back from me a lot. I get that she’s been through a lot but she has to just trust me,” he explained.

“Let’s hope that they come back in one piece,” I laughed as we waited for Cassie and Nicki to return.

Chimere’s P.O.V.

I came into the last five minutes of practice. I was looking for a certain someone. “Jaznae, can I talk to you for a moment?” I asked before walking to my office. She followed and sat down.

“Shouldn’t you be sick?” She looked up at my weirdly.

“Does it matter?” I snapped. She smacked her lips and stared at me annoyed.

“Well?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I know you know that Blake is in love with you,” I said as I sat on the edge of my desk.

“And this concerns you how?” She crossed her arms.

“I want Blake,” I replied smartly.

“Not happening,” she instantly got defensive.

“You really think that you two would last? You would mess her up. I know your type. You party and do drugs. If you got Blake addicted to that shit you’d never forgive yourself. You don’t deserve her for all the shit you’ve put her through,” I told her. She was mad at first but then she looked almost hurt.

“You’re right. If you want her, have her. I didn’t want her anyway,” she said before walking out the door.